The lumberjack and I attend OKC Community Church and for now our church meets at the OKC Civic Center for worship on Sunday mornings. Just above our worship team is this beautiful chandelier and piece of art work of three women. I imagine they are Greek goddesses dancing together closing out an amazing girls weekend. If you look carefully they are naked. This was not obviause to me until I came back to church after what I will refur to as the events of February that forever changed my life, or that time when my mom died, or the day I don’t talk directly about but some how it seasons every conversation, any way my first day back to church was bound to be rough. You see our church is new, we had only had our first service about 9 mounths earlyer. I had made friends but hadn’t gotten to know people so deeply yet to explain the amount of support we where being given. I knew that as soon as our pastor said let’s be a community and get to know each other I would have a couple people hug me and I would have to find a way to not fall apart.
This was going to be a problem. I choose ahead of time to not wear make up and to fill my purse with tissues, this was a good idea. I was showered with love and apologies and words that where said to bring me comfort. I couldn’t breath, it’s like I had forgotten how. There is a seen in Sleepless In Seatle where Tom Hanks character Sam Baldwin is on the phone with Dr. Fieldstone. When she asked him what he was going to do, his response was profound.
At the moment when Tim called a close to the time for community and drew everyone’s attention back to worship and the music began to play Sam Baldwin’s voice range threw my hart like a warm blanket wrapped on a cool fall evening at a bonfire. “Well, I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breath in and out all day long. Then after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out…” I started breathing again, I could feel God bringing calm over me. However worship music is a kick in the rear when you need God so desperately. I couldn’t sing but I could breath and I felt that was a good start.
As I kept reminding myself to breath and that I was going to be ok I looked up in desperation to make it to the end of worship. God has a true since of hummer and a love for me that I only slightly understand. It was at this time that I realized that the art work above me was of three naked ladies, there was a small curl up on the one side of my lips and I felt for the first time in weeks that there will be things to laugh about again. There will be comedy in my world again and I will not loss all of myself because of February.
To wrap this up I want to explain that I do not have all good days yet, the pain is still surrounding my hart and I still have to remind myself to breath but when I am lost and hurting and fell like I can’t move past this I look up. I look up to my savior, I look up to his love and guidance. I look up to art work of naked ladies dancing and everything in me knows that its going to be ok.
To any of you that might be struggling threw something overwhelming or hart braking I want to encourage you to look up. Let God show you beauty, comedy and maybe a little attention for your weary self. Life has so many wonderful moments that we will miss if we keep our eyes and our harts turned down and pain foucused.
Chin up young person…